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Charisma can be both very good and very bad

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Negotiation touches every part of our lives. Relationships in business and in our personal lives are negotiated. And the skills to do it effectively can often mean the difference between getting what you want or losing out. You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate!

In the first section of the book, How to be a Great Negotiator, written by property economist, investor and developer Neville Berkowitz, the characteristic traits of a great negotiator are explored in short, bite-sized nuggets of advice.

Over the next 132 days, we will bring you the traits needed to succeed at the art of negotiating.

(Courtesy of PersonalEmpowerment.co)

14 Charisma

Charisma is the essence of persuasive power. It has the natural authority of conviction and often, though not always, the moral authority of inspired vision. Charisma at its worst is persuasive power that draws out the lowest, the darkest, and the worst in those on whom it exerts its influence. Think of Adolf Hitler and Charles Manson. At its best, charisma combines passion, enthusiasm, optimism, vision, and spiritual inspiration. Its mysterious quality empowers, motivates, persuades, and inspires others who, as a result, will tend to like, believe in, and trust you; who will be inspired to commit to your vision; join your team; and follow your lead. Such charisma creates a can-do attitude that draws out the very best in others that up-lifts and motivates their spirits.

When you are present, balanced, flexible, and clearheaded, you can grasp opportunities and deflect attacks with equal poise. And, even if you are caught off-guard, you will respond intuitively and effectively in the moment. You will be unflappable, nimble, and positively opportunistic.

It is possible to cultivate and develop the personal qualities that make up charisma, and become a charismatic person. So, what are the qualities of a charismatic person? Charismatic people tend to be uncommonly present, aware, alive in the moment, and connected to the people they are with. They also tend to be vision-driven, in tune with meaningful goals and objectives, and connected to their inner selves. They tend to treat the person in front of them as important, interesting, and worthy of attention. By being fully present, they tend to connect deeply to others, and to uplift and inspire others to be and do the very best that they can. Their verbal communication skills are secondary to their nonverbal communication skills. Their presence projects a tangible sense of warmth, caring, and regard that may border on affection or even love.

It should be becoming clear that a great negotiator must possess a greater than average degree of emotional, psychological, and even spiritual maturity. So, to become a great negotiator necessarily entails developing one’s mind, emotions, and spirit. And this produces the mysterious quality of character and presence we call charisma.

But fools’ gold charisma is often taught as a sales technique and used as a tool of negotiation. When a negotiator smiles, looks in your eyes, and uses your first name perhaps a bit too much, or touches your arm or shoulder and seems overly friendly or agreeable or flattering, and you notice yourself feeling a bit uneasy, that person is probably “working” you: buttering you up as a negotiating tactic. Great negotiators don’t have to fake enthusiasm and friendliness because they are genuinely enthusiastic, present, and friendly. And if you are relaxed, present, and in touch with yourself, you’ll be able to spot phoniness and manipulation when they appear.

Some people are born with charisma; some people develop it; and some people will never have it. Yet a large part of charisma is attitudinal, and can be developed. Charisma manifests differently in different personalities. It may look like enthusiasm, or passion, or conviction that excites or inspires others. Or it may look like quiet self-confidence and self-assuredness that create an undeniable authority which others instinctively respect and are drawn to. But whatever form charisma takes, its energy lights up the one who has it, and motivates, inspires, and empowers those who witness it. For these reasons, charisma is the highest form of influence.

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