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The negotiator who just wants to be liked

Negotiation touches every part of our lives. Relationships in business and in our personal lives are negotiated. And the skills to do it effectively can often mean the difference between getting what you want or losing out. You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate!

In the second section of the book, How to be a Great Negotiator, written by property economist, investor and developer Neville Berkowitz, the 26 different personality traits of negotiators you are likely to encounter in the course of your negotiating career are identified. Over the next few weeks we will recommend ways of dealing with each type of negotiator.

(Courtesy of PersonalEmpowerment.co)

5 The Amiable Negotiator

Amiable negotiators are usually people who want to be liked and who dislike pressure and confrontation. It is often important for them to feel acknowledged, recognised, and valued, and they tend to prefer friendly win/win partnerships rather than adversarial, tense, or rough- and-tumble win/lose encounters. They tend to be optimistic, open, and trusting. They will genuinely seek a worthwhile deal for both parties. Building a friendly, productive relationship is often more important to them than the actual deal on the table. The most effective way to respond to amiable negotiators is with amiability. Show genuine interest in them and their wellbeing. To the degree that you get to know them, show interest in their career paths in the organisation, in their family, and even in their hobbies. Your amiable interest in who they are and how they are doing builds a foundation of trust and friendship that has mutual value in the long run, even above price, delivery, and quality of goods and services.

Amiable negotiators do have a downside. They can feel “in over their heads” and be skittish when the pressure is on. If they listen attentively to you, they expect you to listen just as attentively to them. They can tend to be sensitive and thin-skinned, wearing their feelings on their sleeves and taking things personally. So, try to be tactful when giving feedback, and avoid confrontation at all costs, as they may take it personally as rejection. They tend to need the respect and admiration of others to maintain their self-esteem, so be sure to give it to them. They tend to dislike and avoid taking control and being in charge, so you may need to be the “alpha” party who directs the process and initiates key decisions. Being amiable, they will appreciate your guidance to the degree that it truly benefits them, and this will build greater trust between you.


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